Here I am Part 1

So here we are again cuties :)

I know its been a while and I will try to be more consistent. A lot has happened in my life lately but I just try to be strong as always and get through it. Sometimes, when a situation is bad enough, all you can do is pretend that you're ok .. until eventually you are.

Since I have been irked beyond measure for the past few weeks, ive decided to start off this blog with pet peeves haha. enjoy :)

It Must Be Piss Delicia Off Month

1: Annoying Bugs
Dear Moths,
You are ugly and you will always be ugly. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM. You ClownBitches can't even fly straight and interrupted my daytime nap. 
I will burn the wings off of the next one i see with my lighter, this i promise you &Hearts;

2: Push doors with HANDLES -___-
Thank you for making me look awkward in public. I hope you're alone on Valentines Day

3: Girls with Busted weaves who think they look cute *screams*
get.those.tracks.together .. NOWwWwWw

4: People Who Stare
I'm traveling and I'm tired. You're already sitting RIGHT next to me. I just DON'T need you all up in my face like that. deuce !!

5: People Who Are Self Righteous
You're not right all the time and you will never be perfect or superior to me either; so for once in your life think about what YOU did wrong and stop being a F*ckBoy.

6: People Who Live to be the Definition of a Simple Bitch
you know who you are, you know how i feel about you, so save the excuses and put that footlong back in your mouth ♥ that is all

7: Period Blood Hair
Apparently Rihanna isn't the only one who thinks this is cute. I've seen TOO MANY people with this look now. Explain to me why you think this is acceptable? Honestly you just make me wanna throw a tampon right at your head ♥

8: Fake Food At College
Subconnection (aka bootleg Subway) .. Get your shit together. I say I want oatmeal cookies and bitch Asks me if I want chocolate chip. Then I say I want 3 and bitch counts to 3 OUT LOUD -__- to top it all off, the BLOODCLOT tomatoes are out of the sandwich when I open the freaking wrapper

Unfortunate Sightings

Miley Cyrus' New Video: "Who Owns My Heart"
Screenshots:

^^ Presenting Miley NoPants Cyrus :D


ah .. the typical "bisexual" trend -__-

1: Playgirl thinks she's cute
2: Playgirl thinks she's cute
3: Your show is still on Disney -__- but that doesn't matter right? Smfh clearly you care more about your SandpaperCoochie then your younger fans.
4: If you're going to wear tiny clothes, you could at least HAVE an ass and titties
5: Honestly .. this song should be called "Who Owns My Values" - because clearly she isn't in charge of them anymore ♥

She does look less rat-faced in this video, I'll give her that, but she's "growing up" way too quickly. Your sh*t isn't cute. It's more of .. well .. like a trashbag :D

On a side note ..
its TSHIRT TIMEEEEEE :D


"If you got the fattest gear and no one can come into your atmosphere, then you're a part of tshirt time :D and you will be, until we yell .. CABS ARE HERE !!" - Vinny
♥ until next season Jersey Shore

I Love My Friends

krystof: I'm gunna roll an L before football starts so it looks like a videogame

kenza: her celulite looks like the atlantic ocean

TFLN has my heart forever

(401):she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
(508):because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.

(253):I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.

(419):I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say "okay, well thats just your opinion"

Life Never Fails to Entertain Me

Hey cuties ; ]
Sooo I'm back at college now .. Still getting used to my new busy schedule : / I'm definitely watching the VMAs tonight so that will probably be in my next blog ; ]

COLLEGE

You Know You're Really Drunk When (UC Edition):
1 You yell that you're not drunk as you proceed to stumble down Main Street.

2 You dance by yourself against the wall or on the couch.

3 You climb posts or balconies in Reimert and almost fall off -__- and run around naked with your ding dong flopping all over the damn place

4 Suddenly you're seeing everything from ground level and you're not sure how you got there ♥

5 Your dougie dance just looks like you're loosing your balance ; D

Bug DeathMatch
So .. some jackass decided to leave the bathroom window open in our hall, and of course a few hours later there was a whole bunch of moths, flies, and ugly brownish butterflies all over the bathroom -___- so my friend kayla went into the bathroom to kill them with a biology textbook .. and then she came back into our room all hard talking bout "those ugly ass moths think this is a f*cking game. this isn't patty-cake or f*cking red rover" and then I walked in there to take a shower and there were brown stains and wings all over the place lmao but she got the job done .. there was also one flopping around on the carpet in my room when I was trying to do work so i dropped my backpack on it ♥

Corney Ass Email
So apparently one of the bonding things for the house I live in (across the street from my school; upperclassmen can live in themed houses and mine is multicultural) we had an event with "mocktails" .. -__- seriously?
the flyer in the email said "MOCKTAILS RIGHT NOW. come get your virgin-drank on"
why can't you just give me a real freaking cocktail? I'll stay there for like more than five minutes of the event and I will maybe even be your friend sometimes ♥ Why should I get a fake cocktail when I can just drink some juice out my damn fridge? I appreciate the effort to bring the house together I suppose.

TELEVISION

The Jersey Shore
Dear Sammi "Sweatheart" (Dummie the Doormat),

You did NOT kick Jwow's ass.
You did NOT kick Jwow's ass.
You did NOT kick Jwow's ass.
You did NOT kick Jwow's ass.
... Especially since she was held back 90% of that fight. My grandmother could kick your ass blindfolded. You're also even more of an tool for playing the sh*t out of the two people in the house who were looking out for you and told you the truth. Have fun with Ron and keep laying in bed all day and whining. I'm sure you will love the STDs he's likely to give you from hooking up with grenades and hippos all the time ; D

♥ MochaBarbie



VIDEO

Unfortunate Sightings
Lmao smfh I don't think I have any words for this .. The link is below the screenshot if you want to see the whole video

www.worldstarhiphop.com/videos/video.php?v=wshhGvP0e46315Pe0X99

Trey Songz, sit down:
... this just made my day when I saw it haha



*`~
I Love My Friends

me: he's always like "yeah i got MOCHABARBIE on lock"
kayla: you better tell him to behave himself before the muffin shop is closed

TFLN ♥
(785):he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
(508):the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
(419):I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
(407):I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city

The Stupidity Never Ends ; D

Hey cuties,
I'm trying to get back to my consistent weekly blogs .. I've been writing alot (I'm working on a book) and dealing with family issues so its not as easy to find inspirations haha .. but once I'm back at college and have my schedule it should be easier to organize times to work on it (hopefully). So as usual I'm surrounded by the inescapable Stupid, but I always find humor in the nonsense ; ]

Unfortunate Sightings
1: Lady Gaga Crowd Surfing *barfs*

Just when I thought I saw it all, simplicity is taken to the next degree. WHAT Gaga, WHAT is nasty half naked crowd surfing doing for you? please explain this to me. Don't worry, I'll wait ♥

nooooooo ; /


I hope that muffin doesn't smell

2: The Real World and Jersey Shore never fail to amaze me .. you should NEVER be this drunk, especially if you are being filmed. Floor-Diving is getting very popular on reality TV.

downward.spiral.


Ron takes being useless to a whole new level

3: Dear Fashion-Challenged SimpleB*tch,
Explain the reasoning (If that even exists in your life at this point) behind these highlights IMMEDIATELY .. because I sure can't ♥
Sincerely,
A Sensible Human Being


4: I never thought I would see this day, but here is Chips Ahoy's ugly cousin.

This poser has the NERVE to write "original" under the name too -__-

In other Stupidity News .. Tila tequila got bottles and feces thrown at her during a music festival performance.

I don't know whether to laugh my ass off or feel sorry for this clown. Apparently she wants to sue the company but they did warn her before about being a target and she refused to back out of the performance. TMZ also reported that she would be paid regardless of what happened onstage. THEREFORE you cannot sue themSimpleB*tch !! Smfh I didn't know logical thinking was so hard. The highlight of the news report was when an announcer asked who Tila Tequila was (Tila, this should be your irrelevance alert). You performed topless (SEXY TRASHY) and they STILL beat you down with feces, so STAY DOWN ♥
So the lesson is .. if you want people to like you, then DON'T be Tila Tequila ; ]

On the bright side, I would like to point out how adorable these baby grapes are ♥


It's from one of the Annoying Orange youtube videos .. you will either love it or absolutely hate it haha

Inappropriate Encounter of the Month

Maz: wanna hear a joke?
Me: what now?
Maz: WOMEN'S RIGHTS
Me: I'm seriously going to come to your house and kill you. Maybe you won't even make it to your birthday.
Maz: Now, is that come spelled like C-U-M?
Me: ...

The People in My Life Are Sillyy ; ]

Leandra: his teeth looked like a broken sugar cake ....like someone just took a handful of teeth and threw them in his mouth

TFLN ♥

(917):He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now

(919):I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.

.. until next time ; ]

my blog is not dead part 2

hey cuties ; ] don't worry, the nonsense doesn't end there ♥

Apparently Katy Perry dissed Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" video and Miley Cyrus' "Can't be tamed" video. Alejandro just looks demonic and I'm really questioning whether or not I am still a Lady Gaga fan ; ( as for Miley Cyrus never really liked her to begin with, especially now. You already resemble a rat and have a whiney raspy singing voice, so don't make it worse for your simple ass ;p

Why Miley Cyrus is Disqualified for "Growing Up"

1: You are still on Disney
2: You have no boobs
3: NO BOOBS
4: You are under 18

...so stop ; ] This clown really wants to talk about how she's not acting slutty? LOOK at what comes up in google lmao:



*`~
Crazy Things Ive Seen Recently ...


Ke$ha, I'm happy to see that you finally brushed your hair and possibly your teeth that day, but WHY did you eat a smurf -__-


... WOW



seriously kanye? She's pretty but those plastic watermelons could knock someone out ;p

Oh yes, you are a WONDERFUL example for children skank ♥ I hope she's not affiliated with the PTA at school ; ]

*`~

In other news .. I am getting ready to go back to college now and I'm not ready to leave new york ; (( I might transfer schools but idk yet. Love life is complicated as usual. Went thru a lot of things this summer ; / And, idiots still seem to find me wherever I go .. But I keep my head up ♥

I love my baby sister ; ]

Me: How did you get another phone with texting that mom and dad don't know about?
My Sister: Because I'm a boss

TFLN <3
(914):She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.

(407):we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her

(406):she pinky promised me she was 18

... thats all for now ; ]

my blog is not dead part 1

So the new season of jerseyshore ; ] pretty good so far but I'm not really happy that Angelina is back .. shes kind of irrelevant to me lmao and she needs to hop off whatever pedestal she's been on .. you are not the Kim Kardashian of Staten island honeyBoo and don't worry I'm not jealous; i just dont think you count as a person ♥ i think this calls for a list of

What Qualifies You as a SimpleB*tch/BasicDude

1: Arrogantly bringing yourself into a conversation that has nothing to do with you; then acting surprised when people tell you to shut the hell up ♥

2: Hooking up with grenades -__-




3: Following a girl with fried chicken and Koolaid in your hands and expecting her to have a conversation with you,, then getting mad when she decides to keep her dignity and walks AWAY from you ; D

4: Getting dressed in the dark and then going out in public




5: Strongly believing that the words "this right here is my swagg. All the girls are on me, damn" RHYME .. you know what i think? I think Soulja Boy (clown) was in the studio and tried to find something to rhyme with swagg, but gave up and said "damn" .. too bad that shit was number one on BET forever haha smfh. More out of control lyrics: "You party with a star we take off and go to mars, Pretty boy take off in 5.4.3.2.1" Soulja Boy, the only thing you can take off is you eyebrows so sit down PLEASE ♥



Not sure how I feel about that "Makeup Bag" song by The Dream either .. like if I'm in a relationship and my baby gets me mad,, giving me money/nice makeup/designer shit is NOT going to make me forgive you .. a woman who is worthy of anything cannot be bought so remember that ladies .. presents are nice of course but they shouldn't be the reason you forgive your significant other and if it is .. well you have some thinking to do ;p

Stupid Things People Say ; ]
Benny: What would a vagina look like after sex with 300 people?
Me: ...
Benny: GROUND ZERO

rant and other things

It's been a while since my last post but here we go cuties ♥

Cant explain how disappointed and irritated I have been with people for the past few years especially this week ughhh ; ( ranting timee ♥

1: Dont freaking cut me off when I'm trying to swipe my metro card at the train station. I don't know WHAT you were thinking with that flower dress exposing your back because your skin is ALL spotted up from spending wayy to much time in the sun simple b*tch .. get that crinkly crackly shit outa here ; D

2: I was looking around my kitchen for something to eat tonight and there was a HUGE watermelon on the counter top -__- stereotypical much? not to mention I ended up getting red koolaid with my macaroni and cheese lmao whateverrr ; ]

3: If you would allow a friendship that has lasted for ten years to crumble without even saying a word to the person you called your "sister" then you are a cunt. Theres no need for me to do anything; karma will take care of that ♥ OOoooh,, and that present i was going to give you for your birthday? looks better on me anyway ♥

4: If you try to talk to a girl who has a boyfriend, DONT BE MAD AND RUDE AND GET AN ATTITUDE when you're trying to seduce her and she tells u she's with her boo and you can't steal her from him. HELLO ♥ you are not him soo let it go and quit the weak game HoneyBoo ; ] same goes for ladies getting mad when dudes with girlfriends blow them off. HELLO at most you will be a SideGirl and that is not even cute like SideGirl swag? ehhehh NO .. so unless he DUMPS HER, pleasee don't walk around talking about how you have someone's man when you're just his groupie aka I'm-Mad-At-My-Girl-So-Send-Me-A-Picture chick .. OooOoooh YES I did ; ]

4: If a girl doesnt answer her phone or text you back for two weeks .. MAYBE shes not interested in talking to you? so MAYBE you should stop trying to make her feel guilty because thats creepyy? Or you'll end up like this guy lmao:


`*~
I was reading celebrity gossip and saw this foolishness:


Sooo apparently Mel Gibson's ex wife is defending him against his most recent wife Oksana Grigorieva for her charging Mel Gibson with violence .. Simple b*tch (the ex wife) is apparently releasing the statement: “Mel never engaged in any physical abuse of any kind toward me before, during or after our marriage...Mel was a wonderful and loving father.” Umm HELLO not all abuse or violence is necessary physical !! There can still be emotional and mental abuse which he clearly did do if you havent heard his racist rant tapes that I mentioned in my last blog .. Honestly someone who talks as ignorantly and as cruelly as him probably did abuse her and his ex wife looks silly defending him with such a weak statement like who cares if he never abused you? Doesn't mean he won't do it to someone else .. And HELLO he DID dump you while Oksana Grigorieva was already two months pregnant soooo that makes you look even more simple .. *sighs* they will never learn but I will always have something to laugh at ♥

`*~
On the brighter sidee ; D I was watching the new season of real world .. It amazes me how this one girl on the show will get herself drunk to get the attention of a guy she wants to hook up with .. list?

What Brings You From a Respectable Woman to a Drunken Trainwreck

1 Walking out the house with heels when you KNOW you cant walk drunk in them. Do you want crutches tomorrow? Do you want to wake up barefoot? ♥

2 Wearing a short skirt/dress with tiny underwear underneath or maybe even no underwear who knows -__- cuz when your drunk ass is hobbling all over the place,, you're not going to think about panties .. SO some good damage control would be to wear spanks underneath ; ] unless you want to race the simple b*tches with big mouths in un-tagging pictures the next morning

3 Going on facebook while wasted. self explanatory haha

4 Drunk dials/ texts. texts are funnier because the next day you can document the speed and severity of your downward sprial and how the person texting you back was either taking advantage of the situation OR trying to help you (which is rare because its a lot more fun to play around with a drunk person l0l)

5 TRYING to make a drunk dial or text but holding your phone upside down .. PLEASE tell me how that is going to help you communicate with anybody? The only thing thats going to give you is pictures to un-tag from facebook the next day ; ]

`*~
Favorite TFLN right now:
(304): I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."

Stupid things my friends say:
John: I can't believe Super Mario is fake...he's just a regular ass plumber

.. until next time ; ]

smfh

So .. I'm here waiting to see the Kevin Hart special on Comedy Central and there's some damn justin bieber special on tv my sister wanted to watch smfh


The part that I saw was about how crazy his fans are and he was complaining about girls trying to kiss him -__- well you ARE one of Hollywood's new female magnets and a fresh prey for cougars now lmao so what do you expect? its shocking yes but that's part of being a celebrity. smh and the whole Kim Kardashian thing makes me even more mad like seriously? you're going to send someone death threats for something that isn't even true? HELLO Justin Bieber is like 16 years old and Kim Kardashian is in her freaking 20s which is not even LEGAL .. stop being simple b*tches and going buck wild over some teenage boy who has his hair styled in a way that will allow him to flip it every thirty seconds ♥ and Kim Kardashian probably has a better boobs to butt ratio than most of you crazy female animals so get some class and stop trying to kill people over a young boy who you will probably never get a chance with anyway l0l jeez .. I would also like to know why I heard Justin Bieber got nominated for a BET award. This might sound crazy but I think he's ... not black. He is also NOT Eminem or Justin Timberlake lmao. but do what you do Bieber

I'm also wondering whats going on with that KIA car comerical, that has hip-hop sounding music playing in the background, with cute hamsters who are in a Harlem-themed area, wearing baggy clothing. WHY? I was just getting excited about how cute the baby hamsters were and then the foolishness hit me smfh l0l hamsters are not damn gangsters .. and of course hip-hop music automatically means the setting must be in a place where people blast their stereos and wear fitted hats l0l. Well at least it gets the point across and people like it. And the music is stuck in my head. So, mission accomplished l0l ;p


In some not so bright news .. racist rants by Mel Gibson have been released onto the internet and the things he says are pretty bad .. his girlfriend or I guess theyre broken up by now, Oksana Grigorieva says she isnt responsible for leaking them even though his comments were directed at her .. It seems like she did it though but shes afraid he might kill her or something ; / his rant was crazy calling her a wetback and saying that she dresses like a whore and embarrasses him and will get raped by a pack of n*ggers because she provokes them .. smfh its always interesting to see how f*cked up Hollywood celebrities really are. that world is anything but perfect and its sad how many people out there think being famous and having money means they will be happy.


Honestly when you look like this do you really have the right to talk negatively about people? saying all that racist sh*t about people and LOOK AT YOU your miserable ass cant even have a healthy relationship OR even tan well -- your chest is all sunburned and hairy eww l0l .. thats what you get ;p You're a racist and there's no way you can convince people with BRAINS that you're not, even with a public apology which celebrities seem to do in order to put foolish actions behind them and try to save their careers. You will never be liked for your character, that's for sure. BY THE WAY ASSWIPE, you might want to pick up some Just for Men and Rogaine for that hair of yours -- looks like your starting to get grey and bald up there ; ]

.. On a better note TFLN and my friends have been wonderful:

(919):We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.

(919):It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"

facebook IM:
Renyelle: he poured sand in my hair in pre k
Laurina: bastard
Renyelle: yea pretty much...
i was so sad
i might have cried
but i dont think i did
cause i wasnt tryna go out like a bitch

until next time ; ]